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That’s how bullying can start.
It escalates to pushing, shoving, tripping.
They’re told, “Oh, it’s just a push or just a shove, ignore it,” said Marilyn Tylka, Holmen Middle School counselor. “It’s not that easy.”
Not easy to escape, either. Bullies track down their victims at home, in the mall, even at church.
And now there’s a new form: cyber-bullying, which uses Internet chat rooms, Web sites, instant messaging and cell phones as weapons for harassment.
Photographs are morphed into obscene pictures and posted on Web sites aimed at students. Online blogs are filled with degrading comments. Troubling text messages are sent.
For the targets of these attacks, it seems like no place is safe.
It can escalate to the point where the victim doesn’t want to come to school or go out for recess, said Shawn Kudron, resource officer at Lincoln Middle School and Gang Resistance Education and Training instructor. “They are doing whatever they can to avoid the person,” Kudron said.
Bullying has long been “a societal issue, not just a school issue,” said Doug Leclair, Logan High School associate principal. “It just comes to the forefront at school because of the captive audience of adolescents.”
And educators have learned they must deal with the problem before it reaches the level where the bullied student finally acts to end it, by walking away from school, or from life or by striking back.
A 2000 study by the National Threat Assessment Center of the U.S. Secret Service determined that in more than two-thirds of 37 school shootings, the attackers had been victims of bullying and harassment in school.
Even the subtle signs of bullying need to be noticed “those straws that break the camel’s back’ (incidents) that need to be listened to, on an everyday basis,” Tylka said
Area school districts have tried to reduce bullying by educating students and staff and creating penalties. The Wisconsin Senate has passed a bill on bullying that sponsors say should go to the Assembly in the spring.
But administrators and authorities say that, especially with new technology, it’s difficult to stay ahead of the problem.
Various ways to bully
Bullying can come in five forms physical, verbal, relational, intimidation and cyber according to a recent workshop on the topic by the University of Wisconsin-La Crosse Continuing Education that drew teachers, administrators and other professionals.
It can include physically harming, demeaning, humiliating or teasing the victim, unwelcome phone calls, threats, social alienation, exclusion, ethnic slurs, gossip, mocking, name calling, stealing, extortion and coercion.
The cyber form surfaced only within the past few years, Leclair said.
“Slam sites” are set up by students, containing “horrible, made-up comments” about classmates, said Deborah Markos, Logan High School associate principal. Other people then join in to “slam a kid,” she said.
“No one knows what’s true or what’s not,” she said.
And one online post can spread a message to a wide audience in a matter of seconds. Two teen-centered blogging sites xanga.com and myspace.com listed more than 5,000 La Crosse-area connections Thursday afternoon.
“It’s a whole new kettle of fish. It’s the rumor mill of the 21st century,” said Leclair, who also is Lacrossroads administrator and chairman of the La Crosse School District Safety Committee.
Most of the posts at the two teen-oriented sites were benign what type of soda the student liked, whether he or she dated, details of the school day.
But for those with more cruel intentions, these sites can provide a quick, easy and anonymous means of striking at another student.
Both xanga.com and myspace.com have policies against posing as another person or transmitting objectionable material. Still, such messages manage to appear, and might be seen by thousands before being pulled.
As Leclair sees it, cyber bullying says, “I can bully you at a distance. I can bully you anonymously.”
New Horizon’s approach
In a bullying survey Daria Lapp did in area schools, one student’s response caught her attention:
Maybe the bathroom shouldn’t have a light switch that can be turned off by others, the student wrote.
The student didn’t elaborate, Lapp said, on what would happen when the lights went out.
Lapp, New Horizon’s Shelter and Women’s Center children’s advocate, developed the survey after Holmen Middle School approached her about the topic in April 2004.
She had been talking to students about dating violence and healthy relationships. Research has shown those who bully as kids can grow up to be domestic abusers, Lapp said.
Responses to her survey indicated both boys and girls are being bullied, but the form differs between the sexes. “Boys are more physical,” she said, “while girls are verbal.”
Fixing the problem
A Logan High student repeatedly was teased about his looks. Another student eventually asked the bully to stop, then went to Leclair, the assistant principal, when the taunts continued.
Schools need to better encourage such interventions, Leclair said.
“(Bystanders) can be part of the solution rather than remaining neutral, watching the bullying and really being part of the problem,” Leclair said.
Cyber-bullying is more tricky, however, because usually no one sees it happen, Leclair said.
While the district’s Department of Information and Technology can trace cyber-bullying done through school computer labs at a lot of time and expense police often have to be called in to trace outside sources, Leclair said.
Students found to have used school materials for bullying can lose technology privileges, be suspended or face legal action, he said.
Logan also uses conflict resolution in bullying situations, to show bullies how the other student feels, Markos said.
Holmen Middle School is in the second year of a discipline program that gives students a notice for in-school infractions with varying demerits they must fix.
Those who reach 11 demerits are barred from attending afterschool activities, associate principal Joanne Stephens said.
Many students see the program as I’d better “shape up or I’m done,” Stephens said. After 14 days without further infractions, the slate is wiped clean.
“They have a lot of good energy,” said Tylka, the counselor. We just need to channel it.”
Anti-bullying bill
Three state lawmakers want students and parents to have a more uniform means to report and counter bullying in Wisconsin schools.
State Sen. Neal Kedzie, R-Elkhorn, who with state Rep. Sue Jeskewitz, R-Menomonee Falls, and Sen. Spencer Coggs, D-Milwaukee, want the Department of Public Instruction to develop a model school policy on bullying, along with an education and awareness program.
School districts then would have the choice of adopting the DPI model or creating their own. Senate Bill 310 also establishes a Bullying Awareness Day on the fourth Wednesday in September.
The Senate approved the bill on voice vote Nov. 9. It’s expected to be taken up by the Assembly in the spring.
“These incidents are far more severe and widespread than many people believe,” Kedzie said.
“Some of the parents who I talked with have shared that their children were seriously injured in bullying episodes. We have heard of instances of bullying victims committing suicide, as well as families moving out of state to ensure the safety of their children.”
Autumn Grooms can be reached at (608) 791-8424 or agrooms@lacrossetribune.com.
Stop Bullying Now! workshop
Web Sites on bullying
Books on bullying
What to do about bullying
If you are being bullied:
If you witness bullying:
Sources: La Crosse Police Capt. Ron Abraham, Officer Shawn Kudron and New Horizons Shelter and Women’s Center
Myths and Facts
Myth: Bullying is a part of growing up.
Fact: Even though bullying is common, it can have long-term effects on those who experience it, such as doing poorly in school, suffering from depression, having low self-esteem, or attempting or committing suicide.
Myth: Bullies grow out of it.
Fact: Sixty percent of students identified as bullies in grades 6 to 9 had at least one criminal conviction by the age of 24.
Myth: Only boys bully.
Fact: Both boys and girls bully, but in different ways. Boys are more often involved in physical bullying, while girls are more likely to be involved in verbal or relationship bullying.
Myth: No one sees bullying happen.
FACT: While most often occurs without adults present, 85 percent of incidents are witnessed by other students.
Source: New Horizons Shelter and Women’s Center “Bullying at School” pamphlet
