Advertisement One of them approached the guy behind me and said, “Whater ya doin’ wearin’ that Mickey Mouse hat?” The guy, who actually was wearing an Australian-style safari hat, was understandably baffled. The gatekeeper made a quick recovery: “Oh, it’s not from Disney,” and, with a nod toward the gates, “You’re good to go in.”
It was all said tongue-in-cheek and drew a few chuckles, but it left me with a bad feeling that struck again not four hours later at “Universal Horror Make-Up Show.” There, one member of the stand-up comedy duo, dripping fake blood, was looking for volunteers to come on stage. He singled out a little boy in the front row who looked to be 5 or 6 years old. The child didn’t want to participate and was peeping through his fingers at the gore, shaking his head “no, no.” After several taunts the actor gave up, but not without a parting shot: “We’re not at Disney, so I don’t have to be nice to you.”
With two theme parks (Universal Studios Florida and Universal’s Islands of Adventure), a club-restaurant-concert complex (CityWalk) and three upscale hotels (Portofino Bay Hotel, Hard Rock Hotel and Royal Pacific Resort) on property, Universal Orlando Resort has a lot of entertainment to offer. Some of Central Florida’s hottest rides and attractions are here.
Although the place is spoiling for comparisons a chart on its Web site pits Universal’s attractions against Disney’s I, for one, am not taking the bait. Florida is plenty big enough for both empires plus the parks of Sea World; and an Orlando vacation needn’t be an either-or proposition.
The lay of the land
Universal Orlando Resort is the vast, tropically landscaped realm that embraces Universal Studios Florida, Islands of Adventure and CityWalk. The two theme parks and the dining/entertainment venue are so close to one another that it’s easy to stroll among them. They’re grouped together along a canal where free shuttle boats from Portofino Bay, Hard Rock and Royal Pacific all resort hotels in the Universal complex pick up and drop off hotel guests.
On one side of the canal, the entrances to the parks are separated by two dining spots, the Hard Rock Cafe and the NBA City Restaurant. Bridges in front of each park entrance cross over the canal to the restaurants and clubs of CityWalk, places such as Jimmy Buffett’s Margaritaville, Emeril’s Restaurant Orlando and Bob Marley A Tribute to Freedom. A pathway behind CityWalk leads to the parking garages.
Even before you enter the theme parks, there’s lots of eye candy: the lush foliage along the canal, the stranded-seaplane-turned-bar that constitutes Lone Palm Airport, the shiny paint jobs in front of NASCAR Cafe and, above all, that irresistibly enormous globe with the “UNIVERSAL” name slowly revolving around it. Few visitors miss this photo op. And once you’re at the globe, the music takes over; familiar movie soundtracks draw you in to Universal Studios Florida.
Living the movies
The movie business is nothing if not a probe of the human psyche. Movies succeed in direct proportion to how well they appeal to the deepest emotions and longings. Universal has been fulfilling those desires for decades on screen. Universal Studios Florida simply uses what they already know about you, then takes the experience to the next level.
This is what Universal knows about you: You don’t want to just watch E.T. go home; you want to join the adventure in a flying bike of your own. You want to knock bad-guy Bif for a loop and escape through time in a souped-up DeLorean, battle vengeful mummies and space aliens, and come out on top. You don’t want to merely see footage of earthquakes and tornadoes; you want to experience them and live to tell about it.
You want to become part of the action, part of the story. That happens best at:
E.T. Adventure: You mount a wide-seated “bicycle” and fly above towns and forests on Earth. I won’t give away the ride’s climax, but by the time you dismount you’ll have avoided the bad guys and joined the “welcome home” party on E.T.’s planet. It’s a warm-fuzzy for little kids, but that doesn’t mean grown-ups can’t enjoy it.
Twister ... Ride It Out: I grew up in tornado country and can vouch for the rain, wind and wreckage in this special-effects showcase. Standing nearest the action, you’ll get wet and feel the heat of gas-tank explosions. It wouldn’t be quite right to say this funnel cloud has a silver lining, but, this being Movieland, it definitely has a sense of humor.
Earthquake The Big One: You may never board the San Francisco subway system after this. Your BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) train compartment is deep under San Francisco Bay when The Big One hits: pavement breaking, live wires sizzling, trucks exploding. ... But that’s not the worst of it. The real horror is that you must suffer through several lame and unrelated special-effects demonstrations before entering the ride.
“The Blues Brothers”: After a hot sax warms up the crowd, Jake and Elwood arrive to lead the audience in songs resurrected in the 1980 movie. The New York Delancey Street setting lacks the appeal of the film’s Palace Ballroom, and weak vocals rob the music of its power black suits, white socks and sunglasses do not Jake and Elwood make. However, there are no lines, no standing unless you want to, and the Aretha Franklin substitute is a real powerhouse. Bonus: Mom and Dad can embarrass the heck out of their pre-teens by singing, clapping and dancing without shame.
Other attractions that promise to put you in the action are Revenge of the Mummy and Men in Black Alien Attack, both thrill rides so demanding that they require you to trust all hand items such as purses and camera bags to nearby lockers. Back To The Future The Ride is a rough, and I do mean rough, plunge into virtual reality via an eight-seater DeLorean; too bad it doesn’t do justice to the 1985 movie.
Living the fantastic
It’s a fine thing to be able to step into a favorite movie. At Islands of Adventure, you enter into entire fantasy worlds. Most amusement parks are about the attractions, and certainly they have some good ones here. But Islands of Adventure is equally about the architecture; it’s as much of a reason to come as any ride.
Step through the archway into Seuss Landing, and just like that you’re walking on pastel pavement, completely immersed in a kingdom of topsy-turvy lampposts and shaggy-headed trees. There’s nothing in sight that hasn’t been Seuss-ified. Look up there! Horton is balancing precariously atop the Caro-Seuss-el. Nearby, little kids fly round and round on One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish. Why, you might meet The Cat in the Hat himself in a place like this.
Pass the portals into The Lost Continent and you’ll find yourself in a land the ancient Greeks might once have envied, might even have built, characterized by colossal ruins. Here, an enormous sculpted hand still clenches a trident and a magical fountain talks to children. Cross a bridge into Jurassic Park, and the pavement becomes dirt-colored and scattered with the imprints of fern leaves. You might encounter a dinosaur at any moment. Heck, you might even ride one.
Entering Toon Lagoon, you find yourself in the funny pages; just claim a spot beneath your favorite dialogue bubble. And at Marvel Super Hero Island, that’s where the thrill rides are.
Standouts in these fantastic worlds are:
The Amazing Adventures of Spider-Man: You’ll need 3-D glasses and all your courage to join Spider-Man in this battle against evil. The 1.5-acre indoor ride combines moving vehicles, 3-D film and live special effects of water, fire and smoke that will leave you feeling like you’re flying and falling a virtual 400 feet. This one gets my vote as the best thrill ride in Orlando.
Poseidon’s Fury: As volunteer explorers, you and your guide have gotten yourselves into the middle of a real clash of the Titans. Poseidon wants his trident back. To help him get it, you’ll brave a whirlpool tunnel, be rescued by a goddess and witness a monumental battle between the gods of fire and water. It’s an Indiana Jones experience that combines live action and large-scale special effects.
The Cat in the Hat: This gentle ride twirls you through the world according to Seuss, with themed music and spoken Seuss-ese as a soundtrack. It’s like entering the pages of the storybook where familiar illustrations and whimsical characters spring into action.
Some other attractions at Islands of Adventure: Popeye & Bluto’s Bilge-Rat Barges and Jurassic Park River Adventure, both heavy-duty water rides; Dueling Dragons and the Incredible Hulk Coaster, both roller coasters that go upside-down; Doctor Doom’s Fearfall, a drop-till-you-stop ride; and Pteranodon Flyers and The Flying Unicorn, both family-style coasters.
Between film and reality
Watch out! The 3-D movies here come with extra sensory input. You’ll feel every bump of Princess Fiona’s abduction and rescue and get sprayed with “donkey snot” when you sit down to watch “Shrek 4-D.” Over at “Terminator 2: 3-D Battle Across Time,” live action merges with film and includes motorcycle stunts and blazing shootouts between humans and cyborgs. Both of those shows are at Universal Studios Florida.
See how the pros get the job done at “The Eighth Voyage of Sindbad Stunt Show” (Islands of Adventure). Or, if you want to be the star you can audition for a spot on “Fear Factor Live” (Universal Studios Florida). Contestants may find themselves dangling by their bare hands and later slinging dead squids through the air. If you don’t get one of those spots, there’s always a chance you’ll get picked for one of the lesser challenges allowing your head to be locked in a cage with several scorpions, for instance, or chug-a-lugging a worm smoothie. Everyone else gets to watch.
Better yet, take my advice and do something else, anything else, besides “Fear Factor Live.” Go see what the toddlers are up to at Curious George Goes To Town or Fievel’s Playland; their delight in the cartoon surroundings is infectious. Drop by “Animal Planet Live!”; it’s a bit on the dull side, but it’ll settle your stomach. “Beetlejuice’s Graveyard Revue” is more entertaining and makes a good excuse to sit still for a while. (All of those are in Universal Studios Florida.)
Or you could just go in search of celebrity look-alikes at the corner of Rodeo Drive and Plaza of the Stars at Universal Studios Florida. Really, there aren’t many other places where you can get your picture made with Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz and Marilyn Monroe.
