Story originally printed in the La Crosse Tribune or online at www.lacrossetribune.com

Published - Monday, April 24, 2006

HEALTHY LIVING: PEACE OF MIND: Area teens stressed out

By TERRY RINDFLEISCH / La Crosse Tribune

Shanda Demorest, Alex Troester, Kyle Tornow and Lilly Polivoda all feel it.

Stress.

Peer pressure, grades, relationships, family and change all add to stress in the lives of the four La Crescent, Minn., High School students.

“Everywhere there is stress, social acceptance, grades, and I think it’s more difficult today for teenagers,” said Troester, 17, a junior. “We’re stretched so thin. We need to do this for our school, our parents and our friends. Everyone just doesn’t want a piece of the pie, but the full pie.”

Tornow, 18, a senior, said he still feels the pressure to get good grades, and “social pressure to be accepted.”

Demorest, 15, a freshman, is an only child who feels pressure to get good grades.

“I put much of that pressure on myself,” Demorest said. “I try to do the absolute best I can, and when I get a bad grade, I try not to freak out about it.”

Polivoda, 16, a sophomore, said stress adds up with worries about relationships, work, school and sports.

“I bring some of that stress on myself,” Polivoda said. “I tend to procrastinate.”

Teens often try to avoid pressures and problems and respond to stress in unhealthy ways, said Jay Clark, a teen support worker with the Hiawatha Valley Mental Health Center in Caledonia, Minn.

They turn to alcohol, drugs, tobacco and sex to cope with stress, and they may drop out of school or run away, he said.

“Like adults, teens can handle some stress, but when there is one too many stressors, that can put them over the edge,” Clark said.

The La Crosse Tribune and WXOW-TV 19 will kick off their new Healthy Living project on mental health with a community program, “The Changing Behaviors of Teens and Pre-Teens: When To Be Concerned and What To Do,” at 7 p.m. today at La Crescent High School Fine Arts Center.

A panel discussion will be moderated by Scott Hackworth, News 19 co-anchor. Clark, who works with at-risk teens and their families in Houston County, will be one of the panelists.

“My hope is parents come out of this program with a better understanding and ability to recognize behaviors of their teens when in they’re in trouble and in need of help,” Clark said.

Clark said parents should pay attention to any sudden change in behavior, or drastic changes in personality.

Julie Arentz, a guidance counselor at La Crescent High School, said parents today are not aware of their teenager’s lifestyle and they don’t know what kinds of things their children are doing.

“Technology has sped up their lives,” Arentz said. “They grow up faster, and they can access almost anything they want. Parents have trouble keeping up with the Internet and technology.”

Nancy Todd, a Gundersen Lutheran psychotherapist, said teens are more aware of the deadly risks at school and in the world.

“They feel more helpless, isolated and at-risk,” Todd said. “They see tragedy every day while watching TV.”

The four La Crescent students said drugs and alcohol are prevalent.

Troester said teens tend to follow their peer group. “It’s sad when all they want to do is party,” Polivoda said. “You shouldn’t have to drink to have a good time.”

Teens should talk to a friend to vent when they feel stressed out, Polivoda said. Troester suggests keeping a journal.

“I try to go outside and walk and concentrate on something else when I’m too stressed out,” Demorest said. “You realize that everything will eventually be fine, and this will pass.”

Mark Taylor, a Gundersen Lutheran psychotherapist and a panel member on tonight’s program, said he is seeing more anxiety, tension and anger in his patients.

“Kids are under a lot of stress, and the pace of change is far greater,” Taylor said.

Taylor said he sees teens who are trying to escape from turmoil at home and treat numbness with cutting, drugs, alcohol and other behaviors.

He said cutting, in which people cut themselves, is common among teens dealing with stress, anxiety and depression.

Teens also are building virtual reality for themselves on the Internet and are more isolated, Taylor said.

Taylor said society needs to pay more attention to teens. “There’s an increasing abandonment of our kids,” he said. “It’s a gathering storm. The kids are canaries in the coal mine.”

He said parents need to turn off the television and limit computer time for children. “Take your children out for a walk, and listen to them,” Taylor said.

Dr. Pamela Hanson, a panel member and Franciscan Skemp pediatrician, said parents make the mistake of getting angry and cutting off communication, which results in teens shutting down more.

“Parents need to keep talking to their kids, and if they think their kids need help, they should take them in sooner than later to get help,” she said.

Julie Conway, supervisor of adolescent services at Franciscan Skemp, said teens are over-scheduled and over-stressed, and parents need to watch out for struggling behavior at home and school. Conway said parents need to be a parent, not a pal, to their teen.

“Ask questions, but don’t interrogate, and talk about expectations and consequences,” she said. “Kids want their parents to set limits and boundaries. And most of all, be there for your teen.”

The La Crescent teens gave this advice for parents: Build relationships with your teens.

Demorest, the freshman, said parents should listen carefully to teens without criticism and judgment.

“Parents should remember from their own experience that it’s not easy being a teenager,” she said.

Terry Rindfleisch can be reached at (608) 791-8227 or trindfleisch@lacrossetribune.com.