Story originally printed in the La Crosse Tribune or online at www.lacrossetribune.com
Published - Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Kids wants limits, parents should set them, experts say
LA CRESCENT, Minn. — A teenager once told his counselor, Todd Hoffe, that it was tough to raise parents.
Hoffe, an alcohol/addictions counselor in La Crosse, said teens want limits and structure, and parents need to set boundaries and provide guidance.
“Kids I see say they should have had more rules, and parents should have steered them in the right direction,” Hoffe said.
Several parents were relieved to hear Hoffe and other experts on a panel talk Monday about limits and structure in a program at La Crescent High School.
The program on the changing behaviors of teens and pre-teens kicked off the Healthy Living/Peace of Mind project sponsored by the La Crosse Tribune and WXOW-TV 19.
Panel members talked about everything from drug use and cutting oneself to eating disorders and depression. But each topic brought the panel back to good parenting skills.
Mark Taylor, a Gundersen Lutheran psychotherapist, said studies have shown that mom and dad are the two most important people in a teenager’s life.
“Stay focused on values, and stay supportive of your kid,” Taylor told parents.
Taylor said parents should use the “rule of too” when watching for at-risk teen behaviors — too much sleep, too much anger and too much of a sudden departure in their behavior. “We often skate past that twinge in the gut, and not believe they are in trouble,” he said.
The job of teens is to test limits, and they challenge the complaceny of adults and parents, Taylor said. Setting bedtime and curfew is among things parents need to do, and parents need a unified response to their teens, he said.
Limits should be placed on computer time, and parents should have the computer in an open area for them to monitor, said Mare Wheeler, a physician’s assistant in psychiatry from Rochester, Minn.
“There should be no private computer space,” she said. “You can cause more stress if you don’t set limits.”
Other advice for parents from the panel: Pick your battles, try to avoid lecturing and embrace listening.
Jay Clark, a counselor who works with at-risk teens in Houston County, said teens want parents involved in their lives.
“I’m surprised how much at-risk teens talk about their parents,” Clark said. “Parents should not be afraid to set limits and provide structure.”
Terry Rindfleisch can be reached at (608) 791-8227 or trindfleisch@lacrossetribune.com.
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