TO:STEPMOM wrote on Apr 25, 2006 4:06 PM:
" WHOA! Take a breath. Stop and take a look at the whole picture! What is the whole situation? How old is the step? How close to "MOM" is she?What is the definition of "mentally crippled"? Is this your term or is the woman "clinicly" crippled? What was her relationship with "DAD" before you came into the picture?How do you handle situations when they come up? Are you the "EVIL" stepmom,in her eyes? What has been done to try to help her understand what expected of her from you and Dad?Do you stop to remember,she has a "MOM"? Is "MOM" able to be a mom? Think about these ?'s and then,try to talk to your step. "
BLENDING wrote on Apr 25, 2006 3:47 PM:
" Being a blended family,can be tough,especially,when custody is shared. In our situation,the kids would follow our rules,and loved the structure and things were fine.BUT,it took most of the week,to get them back on track after being at the exspouses house,as there were NO RULES OR STRUCTURE.The ex.thought,by doing this,that the kids would want to only be there. The kids finally saw the light,and came to stay with us(mom and stepdad) permanently.What a relief! Also,communication with the ex.was unheard of,which ,it would of been nice to be able to be on the same page. Also,NO,unkind words were ever said (about the ex.)in front of the kids,even though it was well known the ex. did this.So,remember to think of the kids,when blending a family,it CAN work!!! "
I AGREE wrote on Apr 25, 2006 2:08 PM:
" I am not in a blended family situation,but,the person with the "friendly advice" has it "GOIN ON". We also,involve the kids in helping with the "consequences".That way,they seem to think twice about breaking the "rules". "
Friendly Advice continued wrote on Apr 25, 2006 1:46 PM:
" With buying a house TOGETHER,we eliminated the this is my dad/mom's house.We, also,showed a UNITED FRONT from the start,showed no favoritism, would not make any decisions,unless We discussed / presented them together.That way,it made no-one the good/bad guy. We,also, never put down the ex.husband/wife in front of the kids.Our exs. were horrible people,but,putting them down in front of the kids,would have only put us on their level.After awhile they did/do figure this out for themselves.Another thing that REALLY helped,was (if possible),was to sit down and talk,not preach,with the kids and explain what was expected and what the consequences would be,and let them help decide the consequences.This helped to make them feel MORE a PART of the family. The 2 that lived through this are now 19 and 22.They turned out great,and respectful.I wish you Luck and Happiness.I will keep checking here,to see if you respond,and would like anymore "FREE/FRIENDLY"advice. "
Some Friendly Advice to Stepmom wrote on Apr 25, 2006 1:28 PM:
" We are also a "blended" family. I don't know how long you have been, but, we have been for almost 6 years. Three of our children(grown) never lived in this situation,and two have. At first,all,of them hated the idea of Mom/Dad getting remarried.It took some time,ALOT of patience,understanding and Love. We went through the "YOUR NOT MY MOM/DAD" scenario,for what seemed like forever! But,with understanding,that these kids lives had litterally been turned upside down,and re-assuring them all,that neither of us wanted to take the place of the biological parent,but, that we were happy,and nothing was going to change that,but, that they were all welcome to join in that happiness,and be part of OUR family.We were also able to purchase a new home,that was OURS. "
Gary wrote on Apr 25, 2006 12:57 PM:
" I agree you have to set limits and rules. I have been involved with kids most of my adult life. Between working at the YMCA/YWCA during college to 10 years as a Boy Scout Scoutmaster. Whenever I get new kids in anything I do the first thing I do is set them down and tell them the rules. When we go camping they learn fast why there are rules. The last week long campout I was on some parents came along as chaperones, during the week they kept asking me how I got their kid to do the dishes or to clean his tent. I tell the parents the same thing I tell the kids. Here are the rules if you break them you go home no questions asked. Let them have fun but hold them to the rules. "
tb: to stepmom wrote on Apr 25, 2006 11:51 AM:
" Take control of that "game" you say she is playing. I am a young mother of 4 and I think having my children fairly young is going to be beneficial, you have to understand your children as well as structure/discipline them. Put yourself in her shoes, Remember things like what you did at that age, how you could avoid it or fix it. Remember the ins and outs, that is the easiest way to do it. If she is playing a game on you, reverse the scenerio on her. Play a little reverse psychology game on her. "
STEPMOM wrote on Apr 25, 2006 9:34 AM:
" SETTING LIMITS NEEDS TO BE ENFORCED AT ALL TIMES! I HAVE A STEPDAUGHTER WHO FEELS SHE HAS HER DAD EATING OUT OF THE PALM OF HER HAND AND A MOTHER WHO LIVES THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY GIVING HR "ADVICE" ON HOW TO CONTROL OUR HOUSEHOLD. tHE MOTHER IS A MENTALLY CRIPPLED INDIVIDUL WHO TAKES GREAT PLEASURE IN HAVING HER HAND IN EVERYTHING! oF COURSE THE CHILDREN ARE NOT AWARE OF THEIR MOTHER'S STRATEGY. KIDS NEED TO HAVE LIMITS BUT IN A SPLIT HOME SCENERIO THERE ARE MANY ISSUES, BECAUSE OF THE "GAME" THEY PLAY "
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