Advertisement At age 11, Joshua Brink keeps a full schedule.
After classes at Southern Bluffs Elementary School, he studies acting, rides horses and hangs out with his Big Brother from Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Coulee Region.
It’s by design, said grandmother Jackie Brink.
“I try to find things that keep him movin’ and groovin’,” she said.
When the pace is a little too much, he’ll let her know with an “Aww, Grandma Jackie.”
Weekends still allow time to run around the large yard of his rural
La Crosse home, draw pictures and kick back with grandparents Jackie and Ray.
The couple took over raising Joshua after their daughter, Melissa, a single mother, died of brain cancer in 1997.
He sees his dad on occasion, but most of Joshua’s life is under the watchful eyes of a couple who thought their childrearing days were done.
And it’s not quite the same, Jackie said, as when she raised daughters Melissa and Amy.
This time around, she’s learning about Joshua’s ADHD and post-traumatic stress syndrome, and the finer points of selecting proper schools.
“It’s just a little more challenging,” Jackie said.
The Brinks are among a growing number of grandparents who — due to such reasons as a parent’s death or illness, substance abuse, incarceration, physical abuse or neglect — have assumed primary care for their grandchildren.
Nationwide, 2.3 million grandparents in 2004 were providing most of the basic needs — food, shelter, clothing — for one or more of their grandchildren, according to United States Census Bureau statistics. About
5.5 million children live with a grandparent.
In Wisconsin, 23,687 grandparents had primary responsibility for their grandchildren in 2000.
Judy Pierce has taken over care of two grandchildren and said she wouldn’t have it any other way.
“I’ve never been a grandma, I’ve really been more of a grandmama,” Pierce said.
The boys ended up with their
La Crosse grandmother after one of her children began using drugs and another died.
“They just had to come with me,” Pierce said.
Like the Brinks, the 58-year-old Pierce is catching up on modern parenting challenges such as ADHD but said kids remain kids, no matter how much time has gone by.
But for this round, Pierce said, she has “settled down more” and has “grown up some.”
“And I’m not as ornery,” she said, adding her grandsons seem to listen to her more than her own children did.
Pierce and the boys like to play games, fish, enjoy picnic lunches, and watch wrestling and horror movies on television.
“I couldn’t imagine not having them here,” Pierce said. “I would go nuts.”
Barrie Miller, a 59-year-old great-grandmother in Onalaska, Wis., has spent the past three years updating her childrearing skills as well.
She and her daughter are raising Ariana, now 3, to keep her out of a less-secure situation, she said.
The toddler still has contact with her parents, through regular calls and visits, such as spending holidays with her dad’s family.
Since Ariana has come into her home, Miller said, they’ve invested time (and prayer) on potty training, playing on the porch, trips to the park and adding a new swing set, built by her great-grandpa, to the backyard.
Ariana “is worth it,” Miller said, adding “she’s such a good child.”
The grandparents all said they’re open and honest with the children about the past and what led to the situation.
The Brinks’ house has pictures displayed of Jackie’s late daughter and Joshua’s father.
“There have been a couple of times I hear him talking in his room,” Jackie said.
“When I ask him about it, he says, ‘Just a minute, I’m talking to Mom.’ ”
Online resources
Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Partnership of Wisconsin: A statewide network of more than 200 kinship caregivers and service providers that work together on issues and concerns facing grandparents raising
grandchildren. For more information, go on the Web site www.uwex.edu/ces/flp/grgp.
Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Legislative Task Force: An arm of the GRG that focuses on legislative activity in support of kinship care families.
For more information, go on the Web site www.geocities.com/ Heartland/Prairie/6866.
University of Wisconsin Extension: Offers a variety of information at www.uwex.edu/
relationships and www.uwex.edu/ ces/pubs
Source: AARP Wisconsin
Autumn Grooms can be reached
at agrooms@lacrossetribune.com
or (608) 971-8424.
