Advertisement You know the world has gone silly when a state patrolman in a Stetson shines his flashlight on your rear-view mirror and asks you to remove your air freshener. It has happened to me twice this summer.
But even sillier: I’ve yet to be pulled over for yakking on my stupid cell phone in traffic. In fact, twice I’ve been talking while driving by a police officer — who also was on the phone.
But dangle a deodorizer from the rear-view mirror and watch the cherries light up.
First, it was a white Clean Cotton variety that got a friend and me busted heading home from Chicago. At Tomah, Wis., just past dusk, the sirens wailed.
After taking my friend’s driver’s license back to the car, the officer finally came back with a written warning — for her deodorizer.
“If a kid jumped out in the road, there’s no way you’d be able to see him quickly enough to stop,” he explained.
Because of a 4 inch by 3 inch scented cardboard evergreen?
Then, the Illinois State Police got me for my pink Cinna-Berry. I was heading home from Chicago again last Monday. A trooper pulled me over for speeding. He was cordial. I admitted my offense.
Again, though, he came back with another written warning for my deodorizer. It had been a gift, and I had forgotten that I had it.
A bit of research confirmed I’m not alone. So far this year, 6,208 people in Illinois were stopped and warned for “windshield obstructions;” 257 people got actual citations.
Numbers weren’t available in Wisconsin, although Lt. James Lind at the Tomah state patrol office said there has not been a concerted effort to crack down on deodorizers.
The Illinois warning came shortly after I read a story in Sunday’s Chicago Tribune about a city law passed two years ago against driving with a cell phone.
Chicago police have issued more than 25,000 citations for it through July. Officer Ramon Solidum has issued 771 of them himself.
“For me, there’s no such thing as enough (cell-phone citations),” he told the Chicago Tribune.
Fortunately for him, he doesn’t work for the state of Illinois or Wisconsin. Neither has a comprehensive law like Chicago’s.
My Cinna-Berry can get me pulled over and cited in both states. Talking on my cell phone in traffic cannot.
It takes no data or research to convince me I’m more distracted and more dangerous while on the phone than not. It would take a lot of data to convince me my deodorizer puts me and others at higher risk of crash.
Yet our laws have it in reverse. I’d happily citizen arrest myself for driving while yakking. But I can’t.
A law is making its way through the Wisconsin Legislature that would restrict cell phone use among teens. It would make Wisconsin one of 16 states with some law against cell phones on the books. But no state bans them outright for all ages. And about 73 percent of drivers use them in traffic, according to a study this year by Nationwide Insurance.
They’re missing the forest for the scented trees.
Dan Simmons can be reached at (608)791-8217 or dsimmons@lacrossetribune.com.
