Advertisement Q: When I was a child we received a very few, inexpensive gifts because my family did not have a lot of money. My husband and I are fortunate to have good-paying jobs and the freedom to spend more money on our children for holidays and birthdays. I am confused about what is good parenting when it comes to gift buying. Our teens want big items, and since we can afford it I feel like we should buy what they want. What do you recommend?
A: When it comes to gift buying, good parenting is not about how much you can afford but rather about teaching the value of traditions and gifting. Think about a fond Christmas memory from your childhood. What stands out? I am guessing it was the time spent with family playing, eating special foods and enjoying each other’s company.
I suggest you and your husband decide what your priority is for the holidays, one of which should be quality family time spent doing what might be of interest to all or something new to explore together. The number of gifts and their cost should be the least important part of any traditions your family creates. Your teens will thank you when they mature and see the waste in the world. Mine have, and it is wonderful to see them value time spent together rather than the gifts. The expectations your teens have will need to be discussed so they are not surprised at the change in plans. Part of that discussion should include planning the holidays. I wish you and your family the best in building traditions and enjoying each other.
Q: My wife and I have been working as much overtime as we can to have extra money for Christmas. We have three teens who each want a cell phone and iPod. When we started shopping, it began to bother me that we had spent all those hours away from home for overtime pay only to buy gifts that would give us less time together. Why am I feeling this way and what should we do?
A: You are bothered by this purchase because you know it is not what you want to do. You sound like very loving parents trying to make a special holiday for your kids, and it seems that you value time with them as well.
You and your wife need to talk about what it is you truly want to do with the money you worked so hard to make. I would suggest a special event for the family that you would not otherwise be able to afford. Some suggestions are an overnight at a hotel with an indoor pool or waterslide, tickets for a concert, dinner at a special restaurant or a large item that the whole family will enjoy. In other words create a memory and some traditions that will be remembered long past the interest in the gifts you were considering.
About those cell phones and ipods … at a family meeting discuss how earning phones and iPods could be accomplished. When teens have to help pay for what they want, they are much more appreciative of its value and care. You are teaching them problem solving, decision making and valuing family traditions by making these changes in your holiday plans. Good for you, Dad, for listening to your gut and asking for advice. I hope you and your family enjoy the benefits of your long overtime hours this holiday.
Colleen O’Reilly Wiemerslage is a teacher, counselor, writer and parent of two adult children. Send questions to Wiemerslage@aol.com.
