Advertisement Here’s a local guy’s take on why we have one heck of a great fest in town.
Parades: Any time you have a parade at 10 a.m. that almost requires you to have a drink in your hand just to watch, you’re going to have some fans. But a second parade on another night? That’s easier on people? That’s when they normally drink anyway? I’d throw in the procession that happens with the tapping of the golden keg, but that’s really more of a march.
Floats we don’t need: Any that don’t throw candy. Let’s be honest. Whether 8 or 80, we still want our candy fix during a parade. Hmm. ... This could lead to a shorter parade. OK, fine, the noncandy-throwing floats can stay, but they should consider adding a few bags of Tootsie Rolls, Smarties and those terrible little suckers that even the 6-year-olds don’t bother to pick up.
Float we should have: A float from Rosie’s or Marge’s that looks like a diner. Sounds OK so far, right? Well add in the fact that they throw fresh bacon from the float and we have a new fan favorite. Just don’t let any of it hit the ground.
Drinking gloves: Finally there is a glove that allows anyone to join the cool club. It can be 70 and sunny and that fingerless drinking glove is still required to look your Oktoberfest best.
Beer: Any nine-day fest in the city with the World’s Largest Six Pack has no choice but to have huge amounts of beer involved. How else are you going to make bets with friends over which stranger trips or falls next.
Beer ticket roulette: Who doesn’t love guessing how many beers they will want and trying to judge how many tickets they can/should get. Sometimes I feel like walking up there and just asking them, “Do I look like I need another beer?” Like they’re going to say no ...
Friends: At the start of the night, they are your trusted group. As the hours move by, they become your drinking buddies. At the end of the night, they are the drunks you get to harass the next time you see them sober.
Visiting family: Not everything about Oktoberfest is about drinking. Seeing family in town is great. However, it’s even better when you get to beat your relatives at bocce ball, bean bag toss and that game I can’t name in a family newspaper because it’s played with two golf balls attached with string.
Length: Get your mind out of the gutter. Most fests last a few days during an extended weekend. Oktoberfest laughs at (Random City Identifier) Fest and stretches the fun out over two weekends and all the days you can handle in between.
