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Published - Tuesday, October 07, 2008

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Life coach: Get help if you are in an abusive relationship


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Intimate partner violence/abuse refers to any behavior within an intimate relationship that causes physical, psychological or sexual harm to those in the relationship. Research suggests that physical violence in intimate relationships is often accompanied by psychological abuse and in one-third to over one half of cases by sexual abuse.

Sometimes it is hard and confusing to admit that you are in an abusive relationship, or to find a way out. There are clear signs to help you know if you are being abused. If the person you love or live with does any of these things to you, it's time to get help:
-- Monitors what you're doing all the time.

-- Criticizes you for little things.

-- Constantly accuses you of being unfaithful.

-- Prevents or discourages you from seeing friends or family, or going to work or school .

-- Gets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs.

-- Controls how you spend your money.

-- Controls your use of needed medicines.

-- Humiliates you in front of others.

-- Destroys your property or things that you care about.

-- Threatens to hurt you, the children, or pets, or does hurt you (by hitting, beating, pushing, shoving, punching, slapping, kicking, or biting)

-- Uses or threatens to use a weapon against you.

-- Forces you to have sex against your will.

-- Blames you for his or her violent outbursts.

When we live in an abusive environment, we frequently will find ourselves with physical or emotional issues, perhaps even before we are aware of the abusive nature of the environment.

Symptoms like headaches, stomachaches, bowel problems, back pain, fatigue all can be symptoms of abusive environments. When the environment becomes violent, according to the World Report on Violence and Health, the following are some health consequences of intimate partner violence:

-- Abdominal/thoracic injuries

-- Bruises and welts

-- Chronic pain syndromes

-- Disability

-- Fibromyalgia

-- Fractures

-- Gastrointestinal disorders

-- Irritable bowel syndrome

-- Lacerations and abrasions

-- Ocular damage

-- Reduced physical functioning

-- Sexual and reproductive and gynecological disorders

-- Infertility

-- Pelvic inflammatory disease

-- Pregnancy complications/miscarriage

-- Sexual dysfunction

-- Sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV/AIDS

-- Unsafe abortion

-- Unwanted pregnancy

-- Psychological and behavioral

-- Alcohol and drug abuse

-- Depression and anxiety

-- Eating and sleep disorders

-- Feelings of shame and guilt

-- Phobias and panic disorder

-- Physical inactivity

-- Poor self-esteem

-- Post-traumatic stress disorder

-- Psychosomatic disorders

-- Smoking

-- Suicidal behaviour and self-harm

-- Unsafe sexual behaviour

-- Homicide

-- Suicide

There are some ways you can help prevent and end violence:

-- Call the police if you see or hear evidence of domestic violence.

-- Support a friend or family member who may be in an abusive relationship.

-- Volunteer at a local domestic violence shelter or another organization helping survivors or working to prevent violence.

-- Raise your children to respect others. Teach your children to respect others and to treat others as they would like to be treated. Lead by example.

-- Protect yourself. Take a self-defense class.

The good news is that domestic violence rates since 1999 are decreasing. You can continue to help by becoming an activist. Participate in a Take Back the Night march, a yearly march held in most major cities to raise awareness about violence against women. Or tell your congressional representatives that you expect their support for the funding of domestic violence survivor services and prevention programs.

For local resources click on the below links:

www.co.la-crosse.wi.us/Departments/DA/docs/VictimWitness/RrcsVicDomViol.htm

www.divorcesource.com/shelters/wisconsin.shtml

For more information on domestic violence see the following links:

www.4woman.gov/violence/prevent/SafetyPlanningList.pdf (76 Kb)

www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/domesticviolence.html#cat63

www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/glance/vsx2.htm

www.cdc.gov/ncipc/dvp/IPV/default.htm

Take care, be safe and live responsibly.

Judy Aufenthie writes a regular online column about healthy living and wellness. Send questions to lacenterforhealthhealing@mayo.edu.
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